Top 10 Reasons For Being Late To Work

1. Attempting to leave at very delicately timed latest possible minute.

2. Choosing an outfit for unrelated event happening outside of work hours.

3. Waking up to an alarm and in a sleepy daze not being able to remember what it had been set for.

4. Some form of breakfast disaster, including spillage, overcooking (burning), running out of an item or completely over-doing portion size to the point of illness.

5. Not being told about daylight savings time change by several forms of media.

6. Bad hair day.

7. Contemplating giving up all connections with outside world due to bad weather.

8. Phone out of battery – making last minute attempt to charge to at least 3% before leaving.

9. Spider found in house – sole purpose in life now to use all energy to make sure it can be seen at all times until it either leaves the house or dies.

10. Went on the internet.

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The Benefits Of Being Gay

Double Your Wardrobe

Should you choose to date someone of a similar size and gender, you reap the rewards of being able to wear any of their more expensive, and therefore better clothes any time you so desire.
NB: This is only advantageous to you if they have a sense of style.
Otherwise, chuck ‘em.

Male Friends

As a lesbian, it is in your rights to have as many attractive male friends around you as you wish. As this will not be a threat to your (or their) relationship, feel free to ruffle their hair and gently place your hand on their backside whenever the mood strikes you.  It may confuse them, but you can be happy in the knowledge that you are not, and will never be, confused.

Welfare Benefits

As no one assumes your gayness, you can use the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy to your advantage. This will be most profitable when claiming to be roommates as opposed to a “joint partnership.”

Since the government won’t let you marry, here’s a chance to even the score and collect compensatory money.

Dodging The Question

Living in a backwards country is hard. Fortunately, however, this means that no one will ever ask you that dreaded question:  “So when are you going to get married?”

Not Getting Pregnant

There is little to no chance of pregnancy when you engage in sexual activities with a person of the same sex. At the time of this going to print, no pregnancies have been recorded as a result of homosexual encounters. However, precautions should always be taken to ensure this does not occur…

ie: abstinence.