Reality Cheque

First things first, I’m a realist. A ridiculously painful realist, according to my girlfriend. They say opposites attract, but they failed to mention that they also have a tendency to annoy the crap out of each other. You see, my girlfriend, of course, is not a realist. Instead she has an unrelenting habit of swinging wildly between being an unbridled optimist and a hopeless pessimist. This combination makes for highly engaging discussions, or as I call them, lengthy arguments.

These vastly differing views are most easily recognised during certain topics, most recently during a conversation in which the subject of ‘Holidays’ was brought up.

You see, every now and then I come home to find that my girlfriend has decided that we should take a holiday. Ok, fair enough, reasonable so far.

Most of the time I suspect in the moments prior to this revelation she has scrolled through her Facebook page, saw that someone else was on holiday somewhere beautiful and her mind has kind of run away with that. Ok, fine, no dramas.

However, the conversation then usually takes place as follows:

pessimismMe:
I tentatively ask where she has in mind to visit, knowing it will most likely not be anywhere cost-effective or even accessible by car.

Her:
She replies with a suggestion of the furthest away place imaginable on the planet.

Me:
I tell her that she clearly has not thought about the costs and the fact that neither she nor I can afford to do that right now and I ask if she is refering to the distant future.

Her:
She ignores me and begins Googling flight times and prices for the end of the month.

Me:
I ask her how long she intends our holiday to be so I can calculate how many months of savings it would take to before we had sufficient funds.

Her:
She answers with an amount of time that doesn’t end in the word ‘days’.

Me:
I recommend that by shortening the duration we would be able to get there sooner.

Her:
She shows me images of must-see places that she has only just now heard of and says not to worry about the funds, as they will figure themselves out.

optimism

Me:
I make the mistake of mentioning ‘next year’.

Her:
She accuses me of both not listening to her and also not taking her suggestions seriously.

Me:
I listen carefully as she repeats her idea and timeframe and I tell her that she can’t be serious.

Her:
She starts to say ‘What’s the point?’ at lot and throws herself dramatically on the bed.

Me:
I make the mistake of mentioning the word ‘camping’.

Her:
She looks at me with horror, as if I just admitted to having raging long-term affair.

Me:
I assure her that despite my objections I want to go on a holiday too.

Her:
She says that if I really cared about her I would have already suprised her by booking this holiday that she has suddenly decided she wants.

Me:
My logic goes into overdrive and I am literally speechless.

Her:
She cries and says I have abandoned her in her time of need.

Me:
I eventually warm to her idea of an overseas holiday, but I insist that we need to have adequate time before it to prepare and save.

Her:
She immediately perks up and happily busies herself researching accomodation well beyond our means. The dates she types in also happen to be much earlier than my suggestion.

Me:
I check my bank balance.

Her:
She asks if she can borrow some money.

Me:
I self-combust.

— End Scene —

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