A Typical Conversation With Myself At The Gym

“Ok, yep, I’m ready.
Totally gonna smash this out.
Gonna do 10kms on the treadmill, yep.
Alright.
Ok.
Looking good.
Feeling alright.
I got this.

Yep.
This isn’t so bad.
Don’t know why I thought this would be so hard.
I’m killing it.
Probably the fittest one here.
Yep, pretty much.

Oh wait, nope.
No, she definitely looks more toned then me.
Better move up to a higher speed.
Yep.
Nope, too fast.
Back down.
Ok, yep.
Take a drink, that’s it.
Recovery.
Definitely got this.
Alright, good she’s gone.
Feeling good.
Feeling good.

Oh, I love this song.
Alright, gonna sprint during the chorus.
Wait for it.
Wait for it.
GO!

Feeling like a champion.
Probably look like a pro.
Oh God.
God, hurry up.
Why is this chorus so long?
Keep going.
Still going.
Bit more.

Nope.
Can’t do it.
Alright, that’s ok.
Most of the chorus.
That’s good.
Just gonna pace it for the rest of the song.
Yep, taking a drink.

Ok, and I am at… 1km?
What?
Feel like I’ve been on here for ages.
Oh God, not even half way.
Better aim for 5kms.

Ok, yep.
5kms, I can do this.
Yep, almost half way.
Better slow it down.
Don’t want to over do it.
Yep, getting there.
Ok.
Almost half way.
Alright.
Ok, more like one-third of the way.
But that’s alright.
Feeling good.

Little bit sore, but moving on.
Not gonna think about it.
Gonna ignore that slight pain in my knee.
Just pretend its not there.
Just jogging it off.

Ok, seriously what is that?
Really starting to hurt.
Better slow it down a bit more.
Don’t want to risk it.
Besides almost finished.
Almost finished.
Yep, alright.
Couple more kms.
Just a few more kms.
Keep going.
Oh God, she’s back.

And great, she picked the treadmill next to me.
Who does that?
There are like a million others to choose from.
Better have a drink.

Alright refocus.
Almost there.
What is going on with my knee?
Slowing it up again.
Should’ve stretched.
Knew it.
Just gonna walk it off.

Oh god, still another 2kms to go.
Don’t think I can do it.
Probably shouldn’t.
Could have a serious sports injury here.
Better finish it up.

Alright I’ll just get to 3.5kms and then I’ll stop.
Doing good.
Doing good.

3.3kms.

Yep, pretty close.

Little bit more.

God, shouldn’t have drank so much.
Need to pee.
Alright little bit further, then I’ll get off.
Few more minutes.

Yep, just few more steps.

Nope.
That’ll do.
Over it.”

—- End scene —-

Top 10 Reasons For Being Late To Work

1. Attempting to leave at very delicately timed latest possible minute.

2. Choosing an outfit for unrelated event happening outside of work hours.

3. Waking up to an alarm and in a sleepy daze not being able to remember what it had been set for.

4. Some form of breakfast disaster, including spillage, overcooking (burning), running out of an item or completely over-doing portion size to the point of illness.

5. Not being told about daylight savings time change by several forms of media.

6. Bad hair day.

7. Contemplating giving up all connections with outside world due to bad weather.

8. Phone out of battery – making last minute attempt to charge to at least 3% before leaving.

9. Spider found in house – sole purpose in life now to use all energy to make sure it can be seen at all times until it either leaves the house or dies.

10. Went on the internet.