What She Told Me And What She Actually Meant

 These are two very different things.

What she said:
“Do you want to just pop down to the shops with me for a little bit?”
What she meant:
“I’ve decided this is what we are doing from now until an undetermined point in time.”

What she said:
“If you have time today, can you give the house a bit of a tidy-up?”
What she meant:
“I expect this house to be clean by the time I get back.”

What she said:
“Does my bum look big in this?”
What she meant:
“I am having a ‘fat day’ and I need you to flatter me with compliments. Truth is irrelevant and has no place within these walls.”

What she said:
“Are you able to drive us there tonight?”
What she meant:
“I will not be taking any form of public transport as you will be driving me there tonight.”

What she said:
“Can I try some of your dessert?”
What she meant:
“I didn’t order this, therefore this does not count towards my calorie-intake.”

What she said:
“Are you going to wear that tonight?”
What she meant:
“We are not going out if you are wearing that tonight.”

What she said:
“We’ll discuss it and figure out what we want to do.”
What she meant:
“I will talk; you will listen; and then we will do what I planned before.”

What she said:
“We’re out of milk.”
What she meant:
“I need some milk; you must go and buy it right now.”

What she said:
“I’m really tired. Do you mind if we just skip the movie tonight?”
What she meant:
“I’m tired of your terrible choice in films and I will not sit through it.”

What she said:
“If it’s not too much trouble, can you pay this time and I’ll pay you back?”
What she meant:
“Irrespective of the trouble this causes you and the negative status of your bank account, I expect you’ll pay for this and ask nothing in return.”

What she said:
“Can I borrow your jacket?”
What she meant:
“This is mine now.”

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