If Dog Breeds Had Human Equivalents

Dog Breed:
Afghan Hound
Afghan-HoundHuman Equivalent:
A older woman trying desperately to hold on to their looks with botox and make-up, but isn’t fooling anybody.


Dog Breed: Australian Kelpie
kelpieHuman Equivalent:
The ADHD kid who goes on to be more successful than you.


Dog Breed: Chihuahua
chihuahuaHuman Equivalent:
Short, mean, management type who tries to make up for their short stature by bossing everyone around.


Dog Breed: Golden Retriever
Golden_RetrieverHuman Equivalent:
The nice guy who puts in so much effort but always finds himself in the ‘friend zone’.


Dog Breed: Doberman Pinscher
dobermanHuman Equivalent:
The cool, bad boy she ends up falling for instead.


Dog Breed: Komondor / Puli
KomondorHuman Equivalent:
That one weird, hippie friend of yours who insists on being an individual.


 Dog Breed: Jack Russell
jack-russellHuman Equivalent:
The best mate who is always up for anything.


Dog Breed: Border Collieborder-collieHuman Equivalent:
The smart one who also is good looking, aka “out of your league”.


Dog Breed: DachshunddachshundHuman Equivalent:
That desperate person that you sort of know who always tags along and wants to be your best friend.


Dog Breed: Siberian Husky
siberian_huskyHuman Equivalent:
Ridiculously good-looking celebrities.


Dog Breed: Chow Chow
Chow-ChowHuman Equivalent:
Unattractive girls or guys who either wear too much make up or fake-tanning spray and walk around judging everybody.


Dog Breed: Pug
pugHuman Equivalent:
Steve Buscemi


New Year: Resolutions VS Results

Lose weight

Actual result:
Binge eat leftover Christmas ham and turkey until March.
Favour gifted boxes of chocolate for breakfast in place of cereal.

Be kinder

Actual result:
Get caught in traffic after New Years fireworks and throw resolution and abuse out the window.

Sleep more

Actual result:
Stay up till midnight to watch fireworks. Ruin body clock. Never sleep before midnight again.

Drink less

Actual result:
Collect all bottles of wine in house in an effort to allocate and re-gift. Wake up with hangover.

Meet new people

Actual result:
Send a private Facebook message that gets seen and not responded to. Give up on any further human contact.

Learn how to cook

Actual result:
Venture to shops with gourmet recipe in mind. Buy all condiments. Make recipe once. Never use ingredients again.


Actual result:
Look up airfares during holiday period.
Buy lottery ticket instead.


Shit Straight Girls Say To Lesbians

“But say, like, a guy came along and had everything you wanted in a woman… except he was a man, would you like, go there?”

“So how exactly does that work with two women?”

“Did you want to stay here and hang out with the guys while we go shopping?”

“Does it make you sad that you can’t have kids together? Like proper kids, that are both yours?”

“Who would you turn straight for?”

“How much money would you go straight for?”

“When did you decide to be gay?”

“I kinda get it because I see Angelina Jolie and I think ‘she’s really hot.’”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a dress.”

“I thought you were, but I didn’t want to say, in case you thought I was hitting on you.”

“What are you going to do if someone at work finds out?”

“Who’s going to wear the dress at the wedding?”

“Sorry I kissed you the other night, I was just drunk and wanted to know what it feels like.”

“Is that why you never wear make-up?”

“Can you just act a little less gay in front of my family?”

“What do you talk about when you’re with your gay friends?”

“Are you sure you’re a lesbian?”

“You’re a lesbian? But you’re so pretty!”

“Are you attracted to me?”