Top 10 Reasons For Being Late To Work

1. Attempting to leave at very delicately timed latest possible minute.

2. Choosing an outfit for unrelated event happening outside of work hours.

3. Waking up to an alarm and in a sleepy daze not being able to remember what it had been set for.

4. Some form of breakfast disaster, including spillage, overcooking (burning), running out of an item or completely over-doing portion size to the point of illness.

5. Not being told about daylight savings time change by several forms of media.

6. Bad hair day.

7. Contemplating giving up all connections with outside world due to bad weather.

8. Phone out of battery – making last minute attempt to charge to at least 3% before leaving.

9. Spider found in house – sole purpose in life now to use all energy to make sure it can be seen at all times until it either leaves the house or dies.

10. Went on the internet.

10 Signs You Are Addicted To Your iPhone

1. You forget that other people use devices like ‘watches’ and ‘clocks’ to tell the time.

2. Whenever you accidentally leave it in the car, you rush back to get it as if you had locked your own child in an unattended vehicle.

3. You keep thinking you can hear your phone message tone going off during the day when it hasn’t.

4. A single tear can be seen rolling down your cheek as you discover the first crack on your iPhone screen.

5. You look up the train timetable on Safari even though it is clearly posted in front of you at the train station.

6. You keep checking to see if you have any texts or emails, even though you have not received any notifications.

7. Putting your phone on silent mode has made your vibrator obsolete.

8. You try to ‘pinch’ zoom other technology devices that do not use a touch-screen.

9. You are nonchalantly reading this using your iPhone.

10. You are now about to Google ‘nonchalantly’ on your iPhone.

10 Reasons Why She Didn’t Text You Back

1. Upon opening your text message she remembered a comment you had made in a fight six months earlier. Angry and bitter, she decided it wasn’t yet time to move on.

2. You texted her during her beauty regime; an unspecified time of day when she is completely unreachable by any forms of communication (satellites, email, yelling outside the bathroom door).

3. Your text failed to reach the average word length of a sentence and she refused to acknowledge it as conversation.

4. Since you two are in love, she assumed you should already know the answer.

5. She read “Your hot” and waited for you to finish your sentence. You never did.

6. She strategically planned out how she would respond. Following a lengthy and elaborate thought-process, she knew exactly what she was going to say. When she finally had the perfect message she smiled at it with great satisfaction and put her phone away, forgetting to send it.

7.There was a 20-30 minute delay between her last text and yours, and therefore it was only right for her to assume that you had stopped loving her. In an attempt to seem indifferent and unmoved by your blatant neglect she made an effort to appear busy.

8. You didn’t sign off your previous text with ‘x x x’. Irrespective of the roses you had sent her that very morning, she made no allowance for your sloppy, unpardonable behaviour.

9. When she texted “Did I look fat this morning?” Your response “You looked fine” was not the “Of course not. You are not fat, you never have been and you never will be” that she was looking for.

10. You referred to her as ‘Dude’.