Deciphering Real Estate Bullshit

Moving house can be the best, and very quickly, the worse decision one can make.

In the 15 minutes you get to inspect a house (and subsequently decide whether you want to live in it) you may come to find that things are not exactly how you envisioned them to be.
Sometimes, just sometimes, real estate companies may used terms that make a property seem slightly better than they are.

Susan loved the fact that her new place had no dishwasher.

Having visited many uninhabitable hot properties, it seems only fair to share the wisdom we have gained thus far. Here are a list of terms and their actual meaning:

COSY:
Comfortably fits 0.5 people.
Will suit single child or tenant with no intention to furnish.

CHARMING:
Charmingly out-dated interior design.
Possibly the previous resident was elderly and died there.

OLDER-STYLE:
Leaky roof.
No internet connection available.

GREAT LOCATION:
Nothing of interest within the house.

NEWLY RENOVATED:
Bathroom has stainless steel taps instead of white plastic ones.

CLOSE TO SHOPS:
A Post Office and Petrol Station nearby.

CLOSE TO SCHOOL:
Noisy.

CLOSE TO BEACH:
Expensive.

CLOSE TO PUBLIC TRANSPORT:
People hanging out at the bus stop at your front door.

PETS UPON APPLICATION:
Goldfish and/or small bird allowed.

WILL SUIT STUDENT:
Not suitable for adults.
Repairs not attended to.

PARTLY FURNISHED:
Contains poor-taste furniture too bulky to remove.

OPEN PLAN LIVING:
No privacy within the house.

MODERN STUDIO:
Has more than one power outlet.

NEAT:
Walls painted by a professional.

SMALL BACKYARD:
Strip of grass behind house.

COURTYARD AREA:
Has a back door leading out to the back fence.

OFF-STREET PARKING:
No parking.

SHARED LAUNDRY:
Shed with a washing machine out the back somewhere.

PARTIAL VIEW OF OCEAN:
Majority view of another building.

COMBINED DINING / LOUNGE AREA:
Pick one only.

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