10 Signs You Are Addicted To Your iPhone

1. You forget that other people use devices like ‘watches’ and ‘clocks’ to tell the time.

2. Whenever you accidentally leave it in the car, you rush back to get it as if you had locked your own child in an unattended vehicle.

3. You keep thinking you can hear your phone message tone going off during the day when it hasn’t.

4. A single tear can be seen rolling down your cheek as you discover the first crack on your iPhone screen.

5. You look up the train timetable on Safari even though it is clearly posted in front of you at the train station.

6. You keep checking to see if you have any texts or emails, even though you have not received any notifications.

7. Putting your phone on silent mode has made your vibrator obsolete.

8. You try to ‘pinch’ zoom other technology devices that do not use a touch-screen.

9. You are nonchalantly reading this using your iPhone.

10. You are now about to Google ‘nonchalantly’ on your iPhone.

A Typical Day In My Life (According To My Google Search History)

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7:08AM      Facebook

7:57AM      Breakfast Ideas

8:02AM      Easy breakfast ideas

8:05AM      Breakfast ideas with least than 5 ingredients

8:07AM      What is the cheapest cereal?

8:08AM      Grocery store opening hours Sydney area

8:25AM      Online banking

10:05AM     Facebook

10:32AM     things to do in Sydney

10:34AM     Free things to do in Sydney

10:35AM     Facebook

10:37AM     shopping centres Sydney area

11:53AM     convert American dress size to UK sizing

11:58AM     Online banking

12:14PM     Meal ideas

12:17PM     Healthy meal ideas

12:20PM     Healthy cheap easy meal ideas

12:22PM     What is turmeric?

2:19PM      Cheapest petrol Sydney area

3:09PM      Food allergies

3:13PM      What causes bloating?

3:28PM      Refund policies / returning clothing

3:54PM      Shopping centre closing hours Sydney area

4:42PM      Facebook

5:01PM      New release movies

5:10PM      Lesbian films

5:10PM      Lesbian films (safesearch turned on)

5:56PM      video store trading hours Sydney area

6:27PM      Online banking

7:19PM      Facebook

7:24PM      Best nachos recipe

9:41PM      Facebook

10:02PM     Lesbian films (safesearch turned off)

10 Reasons Why She Didn’t Text You Back

    1. Upon opening your text message she remembered a comment you had made in a fight six months earlier. Angry and bitter, she decided it wasn’t yet time to move on.
    2. You texted her during her beauty regime; an unspecified time of day when she is completely unreachable by any forms of communication (satellites, email, yelling outside the bathroom door).
    3. Your text failed to reach the average word length of a sentence and she refused to acknowledge it as conversation.
    4. Since you two are in love, she assumed you should already know the answer.
    5. She read “Your hot” and waited for you to finish your sentence. You never did.
    6. She strategically planned out how she would respond. Following a lengthy and elaborate thought-process, she knew exactly what she was going to say. When she finally had the perfect message she smiled at it with great satisfaction and put her phone away, forgetting to send it.
    7.There was a 20-30 minute delay between her last text and yours, and therefore it was only right for her to assume that you had stopped loving her. In an attempt to seem indifferent and unmoved by your blatant neglect she made an effort to appear busy.
    8. You didn’t sign off your previous text with ‘x x x’. Irrespective of the roses you had sent her that very morning, she made no allowance for your sloppy, unpardonable behaviour.
    9. When she texted “Did I look fat this morning?” Your response “You looked fine” was not the “Of course not. You are not fat, you never have been and you never will be” that she was looking for.
    10. You referred to her as ‘Dude’.