Conversing In Puns: Another Way To Annoy People (Part II)

Corny Puns…

“Herb you heard the news?”
“No, spill the beans. Dish.”
“We’re all going out to play Squash tomorrow. Spread the word.”
“I can’t plate.”
“Oh cardamon, ol’ chum! Wok’s wrong?”
“I’m not game. I’m chicken. I’ve never bean.”
“Look, olive oily in the morning and we’ll go down there and give it a grow.”
“No, there’s no thyme.”
“Yes there is, you mustard it to your list of things to do.”
“I don’t carrot ’bout it.”
“You’re making a mis-steak.”
“But I can’t serve.”
“Fork-get about that, you will learn spoon enough.”
“It’s knife of you to offer but it’s just not mint to be.”
“You’re nuts.”
“Orange you being a bit clove-minded?”
“You should just cumin try and seed how you like it.”
“O-kale try.”
“I knew you wouldn’t lettuce down. Well done.”
“I didn’t realise you would be so in-salted if I dill’d not water do it.”
“You know meat. It wood-fire me up if I had you there playing with me.”
“Guest I’m on your team then?”
“Jam right you are.”
“Sweet.”
“Soy what are you whey-tin’ for?”
“Cheese-us, mate. Can’t I have a moment of pea-ce?”
“I juice want to make sure you’re pre-pear’d.”
“It doesn’t look berry easy.”
“You’ll be grape at it.”
“Thanks, sugar.”
“Ooh, saucy.”
“…cheesy.”

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Hate Mails For Our Hate Mailers

Dear small-minded human,

We appreciate your feedback.
Actually, we appreciate the fact that you are able to string a sentence together at all. You must be very highly educated and knowledgeable. I can only assume so being that this is a humourous blog designed to hurt no one and so perhaps your hate mail was more an ironic, comedic twist rather than the moronic, illogical invasion of reason it comes across as.

We have read your arguments as to why our lifestyle choices make you uncomfortable and would like to retort that your rudeness and lack of punctuation makes us, as well as many members of the heterosexual community, highly uncomfortable. However, if you may be willing to change then perhaps we would be more likely to ‘Eat a dick’ as you so kindly recommended.

I don’t have much hope though that you may be able to accept the lives of two people across the other side of the world, as you don’t yet seem to have the mental capacity to realise that by contacting us,  we are clearly able to see your email address.
Should we ever feel the need to attack the personal life of someone we don’t know, we will be sure to keep you in mind.

Lots of love,
The Adventures In Loserville Team.

Conversing In Puns: Another Way To Annoy People

We also have more puns here to feed your unhealthy appetite for annoying others: https://adventuresinloserville.wordpress.com/2014/09/12/food-for-thought-hot-cross-puns/

You have toad read this. It’s unbearably punny.
retro_vintage_black_white_gentleman_frog_posters-r7276cbe6bdf841d2942888e7b5aaf3e2_wt0h5_8byvr_512

“This weather is toad-ally oppressive.”
“It’s gonna overheat my car; will have to get it toad.”
“You’ll find the tow truck right down the toad.”
“Frog-get about it. Legs just move on.”
“Frog’s wrong with you?”
“I’ve got toad get away.”
“Warts wrong?”
“This car breaking down is a toad of crap.”
“Toad you so.”
“It just hasn’t toad the line.”
“I cane only imagine.”
“Hey sugar, cane we throw a toad-ga party sometime?”
“Sounds good. You better hop to organising it then.”
“Actually I’m toads not into that, take that idea and ribbit up.”
“That’s pretty saddening. On a scale of 1-10, I think that party would have been pretty fly.”
“Lily bit, yeah.”
“The plans are a bit too amphib-uous for me to figure out.”
“You’re right, they are a bit froggy.”
“Well perhaps we should toadst in the New Year another way?”
“I’d be swamped trying to fit everyone in my lil’ pad anyway.”
“That’s a load of bullfrog.”
“Well sugar, that’s a very cane-did thing of you to say.”
“Wet of it? Get frogged!”
“You’re croaking under the pressure!”
“Yeah, I guess that was cold. A bit frogs-ty.”
“Ouch. My heart… it’s developing frogstbite.”
“Cane Toad-ally see why.”
“I might have to leg it out of here.”
“I newt you wood croak first. Before you bounce, just wanted to know wet land your ancestors are from? Is it true you’re a tad Polish?”
“Greenland, actually. Trees, don’t bring it up in future.”
“Toad-che`. I’m green with envy.”
“Farewell, I hope I’ve bes-toad you with some quality entertainment.”
“Toad-let humour.”

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“This blog is bearly funny.”
“I can’t bear it.”
“Seems we are losing our comedic bearings.”
“We should think of bear-ter puns.”
“There’s a good pawsibilitly we can’t pawsibly come up with better ones.”
“I might cave and write some bad ones.”
“Hopefully they wont be beary bad or I might go bearzerk.”
“There’s a good polar-sibility of that.”
“I’ll be pre-beared for that.”
“Of claws you will.”
“Cub it out.”
“Snow way.”
“Ice can’t stand this.”
“Honey-stly, we should just give up.”
“It’s you; you’re the bear-d influence.”

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