What People Think Lesbians Do

What My Friends Think I Do:

I spend my nights making-out with other women in nightclubs, getting the attention of all the men in the room. When a guy finally approaches my group of friends, I fist-pump him and talk about sports.

What Men Think I Do:

I wake up next to my best friend who I accidentally slept with last night. Naturally, we are both in lingerie and can’t keep our hands off each other. Luckily, we don’t need our memory as an aide for recalling what happened because it’s all recorded on camera.
And to think it all started with a pillow fight.

What Religious Groups Think I Do:

After brainwashing troubled teens down a path of homosexuality, I gather people en masse in a brazen attempt to destroy the sanctity of marriage.
Before winding down for the night with an adult movie, I burn the bible.

What My Mum Thinks I Do:

I throw on my ripped flannelette shirt, after downing a beer and head down to the tattoo parlour to meet my bikie friends. They will try to convince me to shave my gorgeous hair off.

What Society Thinks I Do:

I read my feminist novels at the local organic vegan café in preparation for the bra-burning festival I will be attending later that day.

What I Think I Do:

I go about my day as a sophisticated, modern woman; in control of my life and my decisions.

What I Actually Do:

Write this blog.


17 thoughts on “What People Think Lesbians Do

  1. Oh no, not the tattoo parlour, actually that sounds like a pretty good place to be if there’s free drinks thrown in! I love this as my Mother used to think that’s really how I spent my days once I bought a motorbike! Lol


  2. Heehee! Very funny! My niece is a married lesbian living with her partner in Massachusetts. They have two kids (both girls), one each, from the “bank”. They have alovely home, cut the grass, shovel snow, service the car, work, pay their taxes, haul wood pellets for the heating stoves, worry about schools, attend the Unitarian Church, shop for food, worry about the kids having “two mommies”. They have gay and straight friends, they neighbors like them and their families support them – including their old uncle. They had a gay wedding and we all attended.

    Yeah that lesbian life is really hot!!




  3. I have a grandson who came out this year. I am so proud of him. Maybe some day the people of Michigan will wake up and make it possible for him to marry.
    Love your blog and your sense of humor.


  4. Funny…love people who laugh…keep it up (forgive the pun) lol.
    Thanks for visiting my page and liking what you saw. By doing so, it gives me the opportunity to visit your site and many others. I’m new to blogging and am finding I like this inter-action very much.


  5. Don’t forget that pillow fight always happens in slo-mo whilst soft eighties music fills the background.
    The reality; having to fork out for new pillows every weekend and know that you will still be finding feathers behind the curtain a year from now. 🙂


  6. Don’t forget what the straight women of the June Cleaver generation think you do: You spend your days looking for unsuspecting straight women to recruit them to your wycked ways!
    (When I became a cop, the mother of a friend told me I needed to be careful because there were a lot of “those lesbians” [said in a loud whisper] who are “very aggressive in trying to recruit women like (me) to their side”. …I shit you not–that woman really thought she was offering good advice, lol).


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