10 Signs That You Are A Nerd

A list to help you find out if you are a nerd – just in case you weren’t already aware.
(Trust me, everybody else already thinks you are anyway.)

  1. When you discover that someone you are interested in displays poor grammar and spelling skills, you begin to find them less sexually attractive.
  2. Under your list of ‘Hobbies / Interests’ you would considered including ‘The Internet’.
  3. In exam conditions, you take a few back-up pens in case your good pen runs out. And also a couple of back-up pens for your back-up pens.
  4. Another sign you are a nerd:

    nerd

    You are desperately trying to ignore that non-capitalised ‘y’, aren’t you?

  5. You have been on a social outing with some people and had that feeling of concern that someone will take a photo and that somebody will tag you in it and that somebody else might see it and tell someone at work and then that someone at work will know that you were with someone else and why you really missed that one day of work.
  6. You are about to re-read the previous sentence to make sure you completely understood it.
  7. You commonly use the term ‘awkward’ when describing yourself to others.
  8. You have no shame in enjoying puns.
  9. You are well acquainted with Thesaurus.com
  10. The ultimate sign you are a nerd:
    You read this whole thing.
    …Loser.

Conversing In Puns: Another Way To Annoy People (Part II)

Corny Puns…

“Herb you heard the news?”
“No, spill the beans. Dish.”
“We’re all going out to play Squash tomorrow. Spread the word.”
“I can’t plate.”
“Oh cardamon, ol’ chum! Wok’s wrong?”
“I’m not game. I’m chicken. I’ve never bean.”
“Look, olive oily in the morning and we’ll go down there and give it a grow.”
“No, there’s no thyme.”
“Yes there is, you mustard it to your list of things to do.”
“I don’t carrot ’bout it.”
“You’re making a mis-steak.”
“But I can’t serve.”
“Fork-get about that, you will learn spoon enough.”
“It’s knife of you to offer but it’s just not mint to be.”
“You’re nuts.”
“Orange you being a bit clove-minded?”
“You should just cumin try and seed how you like it.”
“O-kale try.”
“I knew you wouldn’t lettuce down. Well done.”
“I didn’t realise you would be so in-salted if I dill’d not water do it.”
“You know meat. It wood-fire me up if I had you there playing with me.”
“Guest I’m on your team then?”
“Jam right you are.”
“Sweet.”
“Soy what are you whey-tin’ for?”
“Cheese-us, mate. Can’t I have a moment of pea-ce?”
“I juice want to make sure you’re pre-pear’d.”
“It doesn’t look berry easy.”
“You’ll be grape at it.”
“Thanks, sugar.”
“Ooh, saucy.”
“…cheesy.”

Useless Talents That No One Appreciates

Some people are gifted with a wide variety of natural talents. For others, our talents are so specific that they are virtually useless in most aspects of life.

The following is a compilation of useless talents that we feel deserve recognition.
Despite the fact that these skills will rarely, if ever, be called upon, they are still impressive and should treated thusly nonetheless.

Useless Talents That Deserve Respect Points:

1. Correctly Guessing The Exact Time Without A Clock

Possible use(s):
If stranded on desert island without an iPhone, still being able to figure out what the time is.

Downfalls:
Need a clock to verify accuracy, thereby defeating the purpose of the skill.
Does not save you from imminent death.

2. Writing Legibly With Non-Dominant Hand

Possible use(s):
Writing ‘Help’ note whilst dominant arm is crushed under a car, etc.
Signing autographs while you are being pulled in all directions by fans.

Downfalls:

Implies temporary or permanent loss of use of dominant hand.
Not guaranteed to make you famous.

3. Consistently Remembering The Colour/Number/Letter Where Your Car Is Parked In Multi-Storey Parking Lots

Possible use(s):
Finding your car quicker after exiting the shops

Downfalls:
Does not guarantee you will find a parking spot.
Lack of validation from passengers.
Still requiring validation for your parking.

4. Knowing The Lyrics To An Extensive Amount Of Songs

Possible use(s):
Singing along to every song on the radio.

Downfalls:
Everyone thinks they have this skill.

Being Able To Take Off A Bra Whilst Wearing A Jumper

Possible use(s):
Remaining clothed and using the underwire to pick the lock of a door.

Downfalls:
Possibility of cold weather
Difficulty if needing to run away.

Making Puns

Possible use(s):
Coming up with better newspaper headings.
Adding clever hashtags.
Annoying friends.

Downfalls:
Requires friends.