First-World Lesbian Problems

• Sharing a wardrobe.

• Having to explain to straight people that neither of you is the ‘man’ in the relationship.

• Having to decide whether to chop off your hair and be recognized as a lesbian, or keep your hair long and be assumed straight.

• Listening to one of your family members awkwardly refer to your partner as your ‘friend’ or ‘roommate’.

• Having to converse with a work colleague who keeps casually mentioning Ellen Degeneres as a way of trying to tactfully decipher your sexuality.

• Being asked by acquaintances, “Do you have a boyfriend?”

• Knowing that the L Word character you like the most is not the same character you are most like.

• Getting distracted by porn every time you Google anything remotely lesbian related.

• Never knowing if it is yet safe to drop the word ‘she’ in, after continually using the gender-neutral term “my partner.”

• PMS:  Pre-Menstrual Synchronisation.

• Trying to slink out of a room when the discussion topic suddenly becomes “How do lesbians have sex?”

• When saying “my girlfriend and I”, wondering if the person listening understands you mean partner and not a ‘girl friend’.

• Consistently finding yourself attracted to the only straight girl at the gay bar.

• Having to again listen to a man ask the disgustingly inevitable; “Can I watch?”

• Wearing your girlfriend’s wedgie-inclined pair of underwear by mistake.

• Deciding what your kids will call each of their mums to avoid confusion.

• Trying to participate in a conversation with your straight friends about “that hot guy with the dimples.”

• Australia’s biggest first-world problem: Tony Abbott.