A Typical Day In My Life (According To My Google Search History)

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7:08AM      Facebook

7:57AM      Breakfast Ideas

8:02AM      Easy breakfast ideas

8:05AM      Breakfast ideas with least than 5 ingredients

8:07AM      What is the cheapest cereal?

8:08AM      Grocery store opening hours Sydney area

8:25AM      Online banking

10:05AM     Facebook

10:32AM     things to do in Sydney

10:34AM     Free things to do in Sydney

10:35AM     Facebook

10:37AM     shopping centres Sydney area

11:53AM     convert American dress size to UK sizing

11:58AM     Online banking

12:14PM     Meal ideas

12:17PM     Healthy meal ideas

12:20PM     Healthy cheap easy meal ideas

12:22PM     What is turmeric?

2:19PM      Cheapest petrol Sydney area

3:09PM      Food allergies

3:13PM      What causes bloating?

3:28PM      Refund policies / returning clothing

3:54PM      Shopping centre closing hours Sydney area

4:42PM      Facebook

5:01PM      New release movies

5:10PM      Lesbian films

5:10PM      Lesbian films (safesearch turned on)

5:56PM      video store trading hours Sydney area

6:27PM      Online banking

7:19PM      Facebook

7:24PM      Best nachos recipe

9:41PM      Facebook

10:02PM     Lesbian films (safesearch turned off)

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The Sad Diaries Of A Single Girl

I crossed the line between being single and being desperate somewhere in my twenties.

I guess it can be traced back to the point when I began using my free time to Google ‘quotes about loneliness’.

See here some an excerpt from my life when I was a single lesbian living alone, (dignity not included):

So I asked a woman out on a date not being sure whether it is a date or not. (And also not being sure if she is straight or not.) I avoided using the term ‘hanging out’ when I asked (via text I might add, because I don’t have the balls) thinking that it would somehow make my intentions clearer. Clearly not.

I’m yet to even figure out what I would define as a date. I guess it is whether I like the person enough and if we are alone together and have planned it thusly. So far so good.

Don’t even ask me how I managed to ask this person to spend any amount of time with me voluntarily. I’m still not sure whether I have misjudged our fleeting eye contact and several passing greetings as something more than exactly that. I do have a tendency to mistake good customer service as a come-on. But she agreed to meet me; that’s the important thing.

My grasp of flirting consists mainly of smiling in a goofy fashion at all times in her presence. The description ‘not all there’ comes to mind when I lose sleep reliving these moments, thinking of things much wittier than what I said. God help any women out there who have shown any slight or accidental affection towards me.

In true nerdy form I have been getting my expectations up for something that has probably barely crossed her mind. Yes, I have tried on the clothes I will be wearing when I see her even though that won’t be for three days. I have even, in a painful display of optimism, changed my bed sheets. Not that I have any idea how to get a woman within three-hundred metres of my boudoir. And even if I got her there, I’m not confident I would know what to do. In fact, my actual reasoning that I have prepared my bed is just in case she has too much to drink and needs somewhere to sleep while I curl up in the corner under a throw rug. It’s my version of modern romance.

That right, ladies, get ready for a wild ride, because when it comes to lovers, I like to start with a first course of bumbling, awkward interactions followed by a progressive friendship of about two to three years. That’s how I roll, bitches.