Online Dating: How To Separate Eligible Human Beings From The Rest

Generally when people are behind the shield of the interwebs they naturally become obnoxious liars.  In online dating in particular, some users tend to embellish truths about themselves in order to appear less grotesque and undateable than they are.

And so, we have been forced by society to decipher the code that is used by many when creating a online dating profile.

Use this guide to determine who is worthy of getting into your inbox and whom shall be blocked.

TERM USED      Vs    ACTUAL REALITY

Cute: Has a distinct inability to be considered sexy by their friends.

No time-wasters: Desperately watching their biological clock run out.

Likes children: Hacked.

Mature: Haggered and at deaths door.

Looking to experiment: Not yet able to find a single person willing to have sex with them.

Looking for a good time: Not interested in whether you also have a good time.

Social smoker / drinker: A smoker / drinker with a very limited income.

Hot: Questionable intelligence levels.

Open-minded: Hoping others will be open-minded when they later disclose that they have several children.

Looking for a change: Has left a trail of destroyed relationships behind them.

Starting a new chapter: Clearly is a recently released prisoner.

Adventures in loserville-31

My friends describe me as…: Their friends have no knowledge of this profile, have never said this and indeed may not be actual people.

Intelligent: Knows the difference between ‘there’, ‘their’ and ‘they’re’.

New to the dating scene: Was pressured to make this profile after growing concerns from friends and family.

Looking to develop something permanent: Looking for a live-in cleaner and cook.

Looking for Mr Right: Desperately looking to not be the last single person in their friendship group.

Sexy: Sexually aroused by mirrors.

Seeks 18-25yr old: Delusional.

Blogger: Too many personal issues to mention.

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